You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
