Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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