just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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