You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
