walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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