Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm getting married
To pizza
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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