Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
