Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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