erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
