if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
not ubering you a puppy
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
