If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We have so much sex to catch up on
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
