I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
