i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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