She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
So many bounce houses so little time
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
