I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We got so high we made milksteak
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize