I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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