guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
