I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
