It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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