Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize