I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Randomize
