Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
