i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
