DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
