Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
