So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
