I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
