i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
PANTIES FOUND
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
