i think i have two assholes
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
