I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
