I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Where is the hickey?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
