True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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