An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize