I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
