Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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