what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize