You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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