I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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