he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
