Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Damn victory sex feels great
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
