yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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