i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
