i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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