I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
