Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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