youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
