I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I have fence marks all over my body
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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