She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
