At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
