White coat. Heels.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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