Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
