I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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