i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
