ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
