This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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