drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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