When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
