So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
