I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize