best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
