There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
50% drunk capacity currently
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
