I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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