We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize