Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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