is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Randomize
