Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
