You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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