Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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