How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I think my moral compass just broke
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
