I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
