You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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