I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
