Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
