I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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