a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
