brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
