Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
