I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
