They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
