Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Say something about gay babies.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
