direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I think pants incapable of making pants work
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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