She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm jealous of your bromance
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
