I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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