I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
