Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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