There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
