listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
