I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
