We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she pinky promised me she was 18
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
