You just made me feel so damn special
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
