been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
