No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
