I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
