I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize