they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
