i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Drunk is a universal language darling
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
