highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
