What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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