remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
