i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
