Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
