i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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