Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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