Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
