I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
