Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
