I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
