He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
