Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
