I can feel you judging me through the phone.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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