If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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